I remember waking up to the chirping sound.

I remember the snow days.

I remember my mom giving out ice creme on the last day of school.

I remember my 1st friend.

I remember our 1st fight.

I remember the way you danced at that party.

I remember the sadness in your eyes after I told you.

I remember the day my grandma died. The night before we moved home.

I remember the first time I made my mother cry. 

I remember the heartache.

I remember the mending.

I remember you holding me and telling me everything was alright. 

I remember making myself throw up everyday, hoping you'd notice me.

I remember sitting in the nurses office hoping you'd come.

I remember the very first song I learned on the piano.

I remember the face you made when you heard me play.  

I remember my brother dying in the hospital. 

I remember when he cried and promised you'd never do drugs again. 

I remember when he had to go back to rehab 2 months later. 

I remember when I cried over him. 

I remembered when I lost trust in everyone.

I remember when I stopped caring.

I remember when I went numb.

I remember those hard years. 

I remember when you came into my life. 

I remember when the numbness started to fade. 

I remember when I felt loved again. 

I remember when I loved again. 

I remember when the numbness went away.... 

I remember when I became happy. 

-Rosie-

Midnight watch...

How you lost your best friend...

1. Tell me how you're perfect, everyday.

2. Make me feel small. 

3. Make sure I know I'm less then you.

4. Get a boyfriend. 

5. Have me 3rd wheel, every time.

6. Forget I'm here.

7. Make me feel bad for not calling you.

8. Make me feel alone. 

9. Make me have to start my social life all over.

10. Make me regret being your best friend for 2 years.

11. Make me get new friends.

12. Make me love my new friends. 

13. Make me forgive. 

14. Make me forget. 

15. Make me love my new life. 

 

*Losing you became the most amazing gain in the end*

Thank you. 

~Rosie~

Started this painting...

Risk.

A journal page from Nelson's 10th grade English class.

I'm thinking about...

1. You

2. My past

3. You

4. My memories 

5. You 

6. My brothers addictions

7. You

8. My failures 

9. You

10. My problems

11. You

12. My sadness 

13. You

14. My mistakes 

15. You

16. The reason why I'm writing

17. You

18. The reason why I'm happy

19. You

20. The reason why I'm living... 

You

Dear Santa...

Quotes

PEP TALK

I know everyone has already seen this. But I just love it so much! 

The Moon...

Dear moon, 

I think you're beautiful. 

Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. 

You are taken for granted. 

You are alone. 

Left in the sky.

Going in circles all day long. 

Well sweetie you're important. 

Without you we are nothing. 

Without you our world would not be the same. 

So don't be down. 

Because you are important. 

You are truly amazing. 

Don't give up. 

NEVER GIVE UP. 

Because you are truly magnificent. 

- Rosie

I mean I guess you only live once?

I'm not ready to die so...

Space...

Thinking about space scares me... I look up in the sky and wonder.

 I wonder about forever... forever scares me.

 It doesn't make sense in my mind. Space goes on forever... How?

 All I've ever known is beginnings and ends. 

How can there be no beginning? 

How can there be no end?

 Maybe that's just what I believe.... I don't know.

Outer space amazes me.

I could look up into the sky for hours. 

I could look at the moon and all it's imperfections, forever. 

When I look at the night sky, my mind goes on a rampage. 

That's when I start thinking the deepest. That's when I get lost in my thoughts, and I don't have to think about the world around me. 

I don't have to think about the beginnings and the ends.

I just think about forever. 

I just think about space. 

Alone.

I hate being alone. There's been so many times in my life when I've felt alone. Last year I had a friend ditch me.... I was alone. A junior in high school, all alone. I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere... But then this one day I got a phone call from *anonymous* asking me if I wanted to hang out. It was a long journey but now I am in the most amazing friend group.. But the fear of being alone still haunts me everyday. 

Behind....

There's a brick in my stomach, because I'm behind. 

I'm mad and really stressed out of my mind. 

Stress I don't ever handle well. 

It's driving me insane. 

I really just want to scream and yell. 

Instead I just act plain 

I wish that it didn't bother me, and that I could just let go. 

Why do I care so much, though I don't let it show. 

I wish it didn't stress me out.

...Such a simple task...

It's not something to cry about.

So I hide it behind a mask. 

How do I let go? 

Some things ill never know.... 

I am not a Robot

I know I'm not a robot because I can remember. 

I can think back to the times when life was good and going my way, 

and to the times where it was dark. 

Robots can only rember what we program them to remember.

 Us humans can only try and forget. 

Memories are what keep us going. 

They help us learn from our mistakes and push forward. 

Memories are what make us human, 

they  help us acknowledge that life is good, or that life gets better.

I know I'm not a robot because when I am driving down the highway 

and that certain song comes on the radio, I can feel the past.

I can remember the way I felt when I first heard that song. 

I can remember all the details of my forgotten life, who was there, 

what was happening, how I was feeling. 

It all comes back to me with just one verse of a simple song. 

Robots can never know that rush. 

They can never feel the past. 

They can't remember. 

But we can.

~Rosie

                                      

LOVE

LOVE is the reason we are living. 

LIVING is to do something crazy.

CRAZY is freefalling out of a plane.

SKYDIVING gives you butterflies. 

BUTTERFLIES are beautiful.

BEAUTY comes from nature.

NATURE is a breath of fresh air.

BREATHING is how we survive. 

SURVIVING is what we do everyday.

365 days are in a year. 

YEARS go by quickly. 

QUICK is moving really fast. 

MOVING is to dance. 

DANCING is an art. 

ART is drawing circles.

CIRCLES go forever. 

FOREVER = LOVE 

Crayons...

As life goes on I can tell my mind set has changed.

 I'm not as fearless, creative and artistic as I used to be. 

I remember when I used to be able to sit down and draw whatever my heart desired. 

Now I have to make sure that the picture is straight, the colors match and the drawing is neat. 

Why can't I just "color outside of the lines" like I used to?

 Maybe it's the insecurity, or the fear of not being good enough. 

Why do I think like this now? 

I didn't used to think like this before. 

Nothing else mattered before, all that mattered was the crayon in my hand and the masterpiece in front of me. 

Wouldn't it be easier if we all just took the crayons life gave to us and created something beautiful? 

Without having to worry about what anyone else thought? 

I don't know. 

All I know is that life "colors outside of the lines" everyday.

 So it only makes sense that we do too.

~Rosie

Intro

I've never really been a good writer.

I always have these crazy ideas floating around in my head, but they never tend to work on paper.

I tried to paint my emotions, but they always turn out sharp and straight instead of curved and creative.

I realized that I'm a perfectionist, I can't draw outside of the lines, I've never wanted to.

Until now.

I wanna let go and start expressing my thoughts outside of stupid lines and edges.

A life in the lines is not worth living.

~Rosie